N.B.

I still remember that day back in 2007, I was sitting beside my husband at the child psychiatrist’s waiting for a diagnosis for my daughter. In her young life, my daughter Pascale had not reached many of the typical milestones. As a baby she would zip around the house in a jazz split and never felt the need to walk or to go about any other way. She talked later than her peers and the most puzzling of all she didn’t interact with others. She did have one friend, her imaginary friend named ``Sally``. One day she asked me ``Why do we need friends?`` At that point, I didn’t worry too much about her because she had such a nice personality and she enjoyed being in our house with our family.

Then I noticed her anxiety levels were high and she would do uncontrollable jerking movements with her arms. She also had blisters on her thumbs from constantly rubbing them on her fingers. As a child I also suffered from anxiety and still do to this day. I remember walking to the arena for my figure skating lessons and I would be overwhelmed by fear. The bright lights bothered me, the skates were too tight. I felt like the people were invading my space, the cold was making me shiver. I remember stopping and taking a break on a snow bank to relieve my stomach pains before entering the arena. I recognized the symptoms immediately because I could relate to some of what she were going through.

As we were waiting for a diagnosis I was thinking the worst, which is typical for someone suffering from anxiety, like myself. I was thinking to myself: Is it a personality disorder, Tourette’s, or a mood disorder? After many interviews with the doctor, she came to the conclusion that my Pascale had Autism. I had no clue what that meant for us. As a teacher, I had dealt with some students on the spectrum but they were not high functioning like my daughter. We were devastated!

My husband became my rock at this point. He told me that he saw a lot of himself in our daughter. He comforted me by saying that the diagnosis hadn’t changed her; she was still the same little girl that we loved. My husband came to grips with it faster than I, because he had a similar experience with achieving milestones, when he has younger. He also didn’t have a need to socialize.

A couple of years later, we noticed that my son was very anxious and didn’t want to fraternize with friends. We immediately though he too was on the spectrum. Sure enough he also is autistic. My son and I have very similar traits; we are on the same wave length. His autism is different than my daughter’s; he has very intense sensory issues.

I have come to believe that this diagnosis has been a blessing. We have dealt with it and we often laugh and say ``I just had an autistic moment``. I am probably on the spectrum as well and this makes me a better teacher. I have helped many parents overcome the diagnosis. I feel as though I understand these children the most. I can relate to their sensory issues, to their fear of social situations and I can also see their creative side. I often make a Star Wars reference but it’s not the force that is strong in this family, rather it is the Autism.