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Find Your Smile: LOVE


#SoManyReasonsToSmile2020
”The love of a family is life’s greatest blessing.” 
 
Just about 9 months ago, I made the decision not to return to my teaching position in Vietnam for the 2019-2020 academic year. The decision wasn’t easy and it most definitely wasn’t planned, but after months of uncertainty, I knew returning to teach there wasn’t the right decision for me at the time.  

Initially, I leaned towards taking a year off from teaching to coach at the gym and to focus on participating in more CrossFit competitions, but those plans went out the window fairly quickly when I faced a few unexpected challenges.

In just a few months, my life seemed like it had turned upside down. I found myself 'alone', with no job, no home and absolutely no plans. It was just me with two large suitcases and a backpack full of my belongings. 

I eventually left Vietnam, travelled to Indonesia, then to Hawaii before returning to Canada.

I knew my decisions to take some time off from teaching, to leave Vietnam and to travel to Maui, Hawaii shocked a lot of people. I got it. It was so unlike me to leave a stable life behind and to spontaneously head towards uncertainty. I didn’t blame anyone for thinking I was a bit crazy; I thought I was crazy myself! I was grateful however that everyone supported me, while respecting my decisions, even if they didn’t agree with them. I was also thankful that I had wonderful parents that were willing to take me in when I needed a place to stay for a while and some time to figure things out.
My time back in Canada was a little stressful; I was ill and I was still trying to figure out what my next move would be. With that being said, I got to spend time with lots of family members (many who I don't see often) and I will never ever regret that. 
I’ve always felt blessed to be surrounded by an amazing family. Just like with most families, we’ve had our fair share of disagreements, but I have never doubted that we would be there for each other when things got tough. Whether it be suffering from a severe injury, having an encounter with the law, changing careers, dealing with health issues or just simply crying over a bad break-up, we’ve always supported one another in some way.
From my grandparents, to my aunts and uncles, to my cousins and my immediate family, I have felt inspired by each and every person at a different time and for a different reason. In watching them, I have learned to love and care for others, to work hard and chase my dreams, to be real and stay true to my values, but most importantly I have learned (or tried to) that nobody is perfect and that making mistakes is ok, as long as we learn from them.

”True friends are people who will love you - the imperfect you, the confused you and the broken you."
When I made the decision to leave Vietnam, I was faced with a small dilemma; I had committed to participating in a CrossFit competition in Jakarta, Indonesia in a few weeks time, which meant that I wasn’t yet ready to leave Asia. To add to that, I wanted some time to process what I was going through and going back to Canada at that exact moment didn’t feel right. 

I decided to reach out to a friend and old colleague who I had met in Dubai but who had recently moved to Bali. This particular friend is someone very special; she is one of the most positive people I’ve ever come across. I knew that being around her was exactly what I needed, so I asked if I could spend a few weeks at her place. She accepted and I will forever be thankful. The time I spent in Bali and on Gili Air with her (her husband and their friends) had such a positive impact on me. 
Over the years, I have luckily met several people who I now consider true friends. While living abroad, far away from home and family, it’s been crucial to surround myself with good people who I can trust; they know me best, they listen to me, they support me, they give me advice, they don’t judge me and they are there for me when things get tough. 

”Fall in love with taking care of yourself. 
Mind. Body. Soul.” 
 
Throughout the last year, I have gone through a lot of ups and downs. About a year ago, prior to "quitting" my job and leaving Vietnam, I somehow felt like I was beginning to lose myself. I began feeling like I was failing as a friend, as a teacher, as a leader, as a daughter, as a sister, as an aunt and quite honestly as a good human being. As those feelings became stronger, I decided to pay a visit to a therapist to talk through them. After just one hour, she announced: You are a perfectionist! 

No, duh!

I battle with my perfectionist side day after day. A lot of my perfectionism stems from wanting to please others - my family, my friends, my colleagues and my coaches. Also though, I will admit that I become easily obsessed with challenging and improving myself. 

Just this week, someone took me aside at the gym and told me that I needed to stop beating myself up for not being good at everything. This individual, who barely knows me, reminded me that I was getting in my own head too much and that I needed to work on letting go of some things. (So what if I didn’t perform well during a few workouts over the weekend; I’ve hit 3 PBs in the last 7 days!)

I’ve always considered exercise to be a great escape from all of life’s stressors. Unfortunately, as I’ve become more competitive, I’ve realized that it has also added a certain level of stress to my life.

I really do enjoy the challenge of improving myself. Becoming an instrumental player on my soccer teams, successfully running road and trail races and thriving in CrossFit competitions has been incredibly rewarding. Achieving the unthinkable has definitely boosted my self-esteem. For the most part, I do believe that my passion for exercising has had a positive impact on me; it’s led me to be more confidant, to be happier and to be healthier. I’d love to keep it that way though.

After all the ups and downs this past year and after becoming sick several times just over the last few months, taking care of myself - mind, body and soul, has become a top priority of mine. I am regularly trying to meditate, sleep 8 hours a night, eat well, hydrate, treat myself from time to time (e.g. to massages, mani-pedis, shopping, excursions), do yoga every so often, go for quiet walks, get some natural vitamin D, relax, balance spending time alone and with friends…

I don’t think my competitive edge and my desire to improve will ever go away (it really is a part of who I am), but I most definitely need to make sure it doesn’t take over my life in a negative way.

For me, loving and taking care of myself is mostly about understanding that I don’t need to be perfect to be good - a true work in progress.

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