When the body says NO

#thebestisyettocome2021

“If you don’t know how to say no, your body will say it for you...”

My latest study has been of a book titled ‘When the body says no - The cost of hidden stress” by Gabor Mate, a Hungarian-Canadian physician. This publication further explores the mind-body connection; it uses medical research, interviews and case studies to show the relationship between our brain and our bodily systems (particularly our immune system) as well as the effects of stress on our health (especially the hidden stresses we all generate from our early programming). 

As I read the first few chapters of the book and learned about the mind-body link with conditions such as multiple sclerosis, cancer, ALS, arthritis, Alzheimer’s, asthma, ulcerative colitis, inflammatory bowel disease and irritable bowel syndrome, I felt unsurprised, yet I also felt an overwhelming sense of sadness and fear. That said, as I wrapped up the final pages and embarked on a journey to better understand why I am the way I am and how I can improve my stress management, I felt enlightened, empowered and hopeful.

We all face stress at one time or another. Stress is considered to be a state of physical, mental or emotional strain or tension resulting from demands that exceed our capacity to fulfill them. It destabilizes the body’s sense of balance. Sometimes, we experience ‘good stress’ that’s beneficial and motivating, such as during a gym workout or when we start a new job. This kind of ‘good stress’ can often help move us forward in life and accomplish wonderful goals (some people actually become addicted to this kind of stress). Unfortunately, just like ‘bad stress’ which can cause anxiety and health problems, such as a break-up or the loss of a relative, too much ‘good stress’ can also lead to unwanted consequences, such as fatigue. For many of us, stress (good and bad) adds up over time and if we don’t find ways to deal with it appropriately, eventually, our body will have endured enough and it will find ways to let us know; that is, our emotional reactions will impact our physiology.

Most individuals won’t talk openly about their struggles with stress, they won’t pay attention to the signals and they will just let it take its toll on their body thinking this is normal. However, those abdominal pains, headaches, breathing difficulties, chest pains, heart palpitations, sudden changes in appetite, weight fluctuations, episodes of acid reflux, feelings of fatigue, panic attacks, bouts of crying, sleepless nights…those are NOT normal. Those are all very likely signs that your body has endured its fair share of stress.

At some point it’s up to YOU to say ENOUGH is ENOUGH!

To move forward, it’s crucial to understand why a particular situation will cause stress to one individual, but not to another. To better comprehend this, we must take a look back in time. Generations upon generations have helped form who we each are today. You see, our parents helped shape us, but their own parents’ experiences and actions shaped them and led them to, both consicouly and unconsciously, raise us in a certain way. Our past experiences (particularly our childhood) have most definitely contributed to the development of our emotional and psychological patterns and our coping mechanisms, which shape who we are and how we approach various situations.

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At the end of the book, the author suggests some principles to help heal and prevent illness from hidden stress; he called them the 7 As of healing.

The 7 As of healing

1. Acceptance: Accept yourself as you are and recognize that you are worthy of compassion.
2. Awareness: Be aware of what your body is telling you and listen to what your body feels.
3. Anger: Permit yourself to experience and express anger in a productive and healthy way, while contemplating what may have triggered it.
4. Autonomy: Know yourself and what you value, then establish (or reclaim) your control and your boundaries.
5. Attachment: Be connected to others and don’t be afraid to rely on them for support.
6. Assertion: Just be you, without needing to justify your presence, thoughts, feelings and actions.
7. Affirmation: Honour your creative self and your connection to the universe (a greater purpose and/or higher power) to know that you’re not alone and to move towards something of value.

“Healing is not about staying away from something bad, but about living a life led by positive values and intentions.”

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Stress is often forgotten, ignored and/or dismissed in the development of illness and disease, however, if we consider a holistic approach to healing, it is crucial we look at the whole-body (body, mind and soul/physical, emotional, social and spiritual wellbeing), while considering all possible contributing factors, such as genes, biological make-up, environment, culture, society, childhood, experiences, context, emotional and psychological patterns…

We can’t control every aspect of our body, but we can learn to understand it better. If you’re experiencing some ‘odd’ symptoms within you, I can’t advise you enough to, stop, to listen to your body, to reflect on your past experiences and present situation, to try implementing the 7 As of healing and, if nothing changes, to seek help! 

Seeking help (e.g. from a life coach, psychologist, therapist or counselor) is not a sign of weakness as some may lead you to believe, but rather a sign of strength in my opinion because you are making the decision to do what’s best for you. Asking for support with mental health is no different than getting assistance with physical health (e.g. nutritionist and/or personal trainer). 

Remember, if you’re not healthy (physically and mentally), you can’t possibly perform to the best of your abilities in any area in your life. As some people say: The greatest wealth is health!

“It’s up to you today to start making healthy choices. 

Not choices that are just healthy for your body, but healthy for your mind.”