Blessings in dark places

#respecttheoldseekoutthenew2022

 “What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.”

At one time or another, you’ve likely found yourself in a ‘dark place’ or a ‘difficult season’. Maybe you’ve lost a loved one or lost your job. Maybe a relationship hasn’t worked out as you’d wished or you’ve felt lonely. Maybe you’ve been haunted by past events or worried about the future. Maybe you’ve struggled to overcome some of your insecurities. Maybe you’ve been injured or disturbed by changes that have occured to your body. Maybe you’ve had to deal with an illness or some mental health problems. (…) For some, these things may have little to no impact on their lives, but for others they may cause a great deal of stress that is hard to shake off. 

Through the years, I have found that the severity of a situation often comes down to perspective, and how a person sees it and deals with it will likely depend on their past experiences (a person generally gets stronger with every obstacle they overcome). As we face uncomfortable situations in life, it can be difficult at times to understand why things are happening ‘to us’ as well as to see the ‘light at the end of the tunnel’. That said, I truly believe that if we stop, take a step back from our busy lives, allow ourselves the time to reflect, reach out for support when needed and allow for a little more self-care, not only can we try to make sense out of what’s happening, but we may also begin to see how blessed we really are and how the challenging times are actually blessings themselves.

Over the last little while, I have been feeling a little…‘meh’… a little ‘dry’… a little ‘stuck in a rut’… I know this may be hard to believe, as to many people, I realize that my life seems like an absolute dream. But, believe it or not, sadly I have recently found myself caught up in a little ‘web’ of negativity. I have felt very little excitement and more so lots of anxiety for a variety of reasons, some of which I am still trying to understand and sort out.

One thing that I can admit to is that I have felt an immense amount of pressure from the expectations I have set for myself as well as the expectations I have perceived others to have towards me. I am thinking mainly of what is expected in terms of my looks, my commitment, my responsabilities, my behaviour and my performance (as a daughter, sister, aunt, friend, potential partner, colleague, teacher, teamate, footballer, CrossFitter…). I know this may sound crazy, but even the simple thoughts of how much sleep I should get at night, as well as how much food and water I should consume in a day can cause me stress, as I know how they can impact my physique, my recovery, my energy and my training. Unfortunately, with time, the numerous expectations I have in my mind have begun consuming me and weighing me down. Far too often, I feel overwhelmed, frustrated, emotional, exhausted, confused, insecure and…to be completly honest, I feel like I am just never doing enough. (Did someone say perfectionist?) Ugh! WHAT.A.TERRIBLE.FEELING.

Over the last few years, I have realized that, in life, it seems like we’re constantly pursuing happiness, but that we’re often going about it in the wrong way. We’re looking for that missing piece that will complete us and make us feel fulfilled, whether it be love, marriage, a big home, kids, a better job, a better body, an athletic goal…Unfortunately, what often happens is that once we get those things, we quickly realize that new desires set in and other problems arise. I definetly feel like I have been a victim of this process. Everytime I have accomplished a goal of mine (e.g. in school, in sports, in my career, in my travels…), my expectations (and many times, other peoples expectations towards me) have hightened and I have looked to accomplish something bigger and better. To a certain degree, this sounds like the most perfect mindset for a competitor and a successful ‘go-getter’ in life, but to some extent, it can work against you if you stop living in the present, enjoying all the little things in the process and feeling like it’s never enough.

Several months back, I was gifted the book “The Missing Piece” by Shel Silverstein. I’ve read the book a few times since I received it and even went on to buy its companion book “The missing piece meets big O”. Though the books initially look like they are geared towards children, they both hold some very meaningful messages that every adult should be reminded of. Firstly, that we must learn to enjoy every part of the journey (of life), because all moments, good and bad, are meaningful. Secondly, that we should always stay true to who we are so we don’t lose part of our identity along the way. And lastly, that we should look for things that help us grow as opposed to things we believe will complete us.

“Oh I’m lookin’ for that missin’ piece

I’m lookin’ for that missin’ piece

Hi-dee-ho, here I go,

Lookin’ for my missin’ piece.”

I still have so much growing to do (Don’t we all?!), but I am realizing more and more that I am way too hard on myself (Shocker, I know!) and that my desire to fulfill all the expectations set-up for myself is in fact holding me back far too much from enjoying so many good things. Over the last few weeks, I have been working towards reevaluating my priorities, realligning my vision, developing a new appreciation for all that I have, and even more, I have been learning to trust the process and embrace the “dark” times, as I know that even if things don’t seem to make any sense at all, the hard times are temporary and they are there to help me grow, develop my character and strength, as well as become a better version of myself.

“Trust the process. Embrace the uncertainty. Enjoy the beauty of becoming. When nothing is certain, anything is possible.”